The Red Lord himself,Darth Sheard has made several appearances in the Galactic Examiner recently. Sweeping into Huddersfield through the Batley Belt and The Beast From The East on his cosmic moped he berated earthlings for their concern at unpaid council taxes in HD1, a small satellite planet of LS1 which he rules with his red fist.
“I’m being troubled for a few million Kryptons!” raged The Red Lord who was pictured looking down on us all and wearing a grey celestial pullover outside HD1’s humble Town Hall. “What is this nonsense? I can raise many more Kryptons from the earthlings by increasing my gravity defying council tax, closing their libraries, parks,when they bury their dead and by taking swings from their children. I need not pursue these defaulters across the galaxy for such piffling amounts!”
The Red Lord is not normally so engaging with his lowly subjects but it is “Budget Gathering Time” in this quiet corner of the universe and he is often seen out and about during this short period. Once he has harvested enough Kryptons from his earthly subjects he will not be seen this side of the Batley Belt for some 12 Light Months.
When our reporter pointed out that such “piffling amounts” would fund public rights of way in the Kirklees Dust Belt for many thousands of light years he was instantly vapourised by the Red Lord who then pointed out our obvious savings in not having to pay his increased burial fees. “I’ve slipped up there” he said.
Questioned further about the increased costs of earthings dying in his corner of creation the Red Lord is quoted as saying “Do you know how long this council has been burying people?” There was no further clarification as to whether the earthings were dead or alive when buried and it was thought best not to ask.